Looking laterally...
I read a lot.
I listen a lot more than people ever realize.To your words, your thoughts and our conversations.
And I try every day I try to improve myself a little bit, using the insights I gain.
It basically means that this time tomorrow I will be slightly better, each and every day for the rest of my life while I draw a breath.
How do I do this?
By being interested in people, everything around me and having many wide and varied interests. I don't discount information because of where I found it. I just read it and sometimes it makes sense, it doesn't have to be written by a so called guru, sometimes it just another girls or guy who makes sense.
Over the years I have subscribed to many newsletters and emails buying books over the internet. A couple of years ago I bought a book about developing yourself as a man of the world.
I bought subsequent books and courses and they are really are excellent in their content. I spread my net a little wider looking into sexual development courses, and relationship courses. Many of these aren't at all what I expected.
Last night I came across a conversation where a guy is expressing his concerns about his sexual desires and how his girlfriend might interpret them. Forget the specific question, here's the answer:
As I see it, (That’s a big ‘ol disclaimer there) the problem isn’t one of sexuality, it’s one of confidence and ego. Understanding the ego part of it is crucial. It’s not the ego like “He’s an egotistical jerk” which is the way most people think of it.
The ego is that little voice in your head that you think is you, telling you to be concerned of what others may think,
telling you what you like is wrong,
telling you that everyone is against you,
telling you that people won’t like you if they know your secrets,
telling you that you should keep your innermost wants and desires from everyone, including yourself, because they are a liability,
telling you that you aren’t good enough and never will be,
telling you that what other people think defines you,
telling you to try to fit in and be “normal” or else,
telling you to be afraid.
The truth is, that voice isn’t you. You’ve heard people say, “You are your own worst enemy.” Well that voice is what they were talking about. It’s not easy to ignore that voice, I know.
The first step is to recognize it. To hear it loudly and clearly, and feel that hand on your shoulder when it’s whispering to you. Being aware of it’s influence is crucial.
The second step is to learn to ignore it. You can’t ‘not hear it’ but you can stop letting it dictate your actions, if not your emotions. You’ll still feel like shit but once you see the positive influence that ignoring it has on your life, once you know how badly the ego had been fucking things up for you all this time, you are ready to move on.
The final step is to find the voice and kill it. Destroy it utterly and completely. Show no mercy. It’s not you. It’s the anti-you.
This resonated with me. Do you know how many times that voice speaks to me during exercise? Or before I even get to the gym? When you swim it's even worse, mine tells me I am going to drown, or I am too slow or I look fat (in my speedos... lol)... I have it when I write. I'm not a professional writer so I get paranoid that people will laugh at my grammar. Sometimes it's even manifested... I wrote a series of articles for Crossfit London 8-10 years ago, one of the top (so-called top) authorities in fitness called me a whole bunch of names. Luckily I had 3 clients who had achieved outstanding results who decided to reply to his comments. A story for another time perhaps.
So this morning I am listening to a course about how to get a girlfriend (I know I'm married lol). Although truthfully (so far at least), it has hardly even mentioned girls at all, but talks about understanding yourself as a man and the responsibilities that come with that understanding. This course is about how to treat women well and build amazing relationships.
It's totally blown me away... but you're going to have to wait to find out why ;-)
I listen a lot more than people ever realize.To your words, your thoughts and our conversations.
And I try every day I try to improve myself a little bit, using the insights I gain.
It basically means that this time tomorrow I will be slightly better, each and every day for the rest of my life while I draw a breath.
How do I do this?
By being interested in people, everything around me and having many wide and varied interests. I don't discount information because of where I found it. I just read it and sometimes it makes sense, it doesn't have to be written by a so called guru, sometimes it just another girls or guy who makes sense.
Over the years I have subscribed to many newsletters and emails buying books over the internet. A couple of years ago I bought a book about developing yourself as a man of the world.
I bought subsequent books and courses and they are really are excellent in their content. I spread my net a little wider looking into sexual development courses, and relationship courses. Many of these aren't at all what I expected.
Last night I came across a conversation where a guy is expressing his concerns about his sexual desires and how his girlfriend might interpret them. Forget the specific question, here's the answer:
As I see it, (That’s a big ‘ol disclaimer there) the problem isn’t one of sexuality, it’s one of confidence and ego. Understanding the ego part of it is crucial. It’s not the ego like “He’s an egotistical jerk” which is the way most people think of it.
The ego is that little voice in your head that you think is you, telling you to be concerned of what others may think,
telling you what you like is wrong,
telling you that everyone is against you,
telling you that people won’t like you if they know your secrets,
telling you that you should keep your innermost wants and desires from everyone, including yourself, because they are a liability,
telling you that you aren’t good enough and never will be,
telling you that what other people think defines you,
telling you to try to fit in and be “normal” or else,
telling you to be afraid.
The truth is, that voice isn’t you. You’ve heard people say, “You are your own worst enemy.” Well that voice is what they were talking about. It’s not easy to ignore that voice, I know.
The first step is to recognize it. To hear it loudly and clearly, and feel that hand on your shoulder when it’s whispering to you. Being aware of it’s influence is crucial.
The second step is to learn to ignore it. You can’t ‘not hear it’ but you can stop letting it dictate your actions, if not your emotions. You’ll still feel like shit but once you see the positive influence that ignoring it has on your life, once you know how badly the ego had been fucking things up for you all this time, you are ready to move on.
The final step is to find the voice and kill it. Destroy it utterly and completely. Show no mercy. It’s not you. It’s the anti-you.
This resonated with me. Do you know how many times that voice speaks to me during exercise? Or before I even get to the gym? When you swim it's even worse, mine tells me I am going to drown, or I am too slow or I look fat (in my speedos... lol)... I have it when I write. I'm not a professional writer so I get paranoid that people will laugh at my grammar. Sometimes it's even manifested... I wrote a series of articles for Crossfit London 8-10 years ago, one of the top (so-called top) authorities in fitness called me a whole bunch of names. Luckily I had 3 clients who had achieved outstanding results who decided to reply to his comments. A story for another time perhaps.
So this morning I am listening to a course about how to get a girlfriend (I know I'm married lol). Although truthfully (so far at least), it has hardly even mentioned girls at all, but talks about understanding yourself as a man and the responsibilities that come with that understanding. This course is about how to treat women well and build amazing relationships.
It's totally blown me away... but you're going to have to wait to find out why ;-)
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